i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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