just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
