I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
