and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
