dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
