yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
