My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
