eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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