I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I faked an abortion last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
