Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
