my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
