once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
