did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
