The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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