Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The adults are the big ones right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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