my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this beer tastes like vomit already
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
