I wish my penis had an off switch
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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