The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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