He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
