I bet he comes in French.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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