Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
