He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
