So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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