Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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