At least make sure they are 18
Why
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
