this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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