We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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