So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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