just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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