Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
