ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
