Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
