its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
