May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
