The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
