Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
