I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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