I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
