Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
40s are totally the cure
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
