not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
