But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
