There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
