So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
