i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
