Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
