I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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