Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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