Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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