dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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