i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
